Why Sci-Fi Films Are Bad, And How To Make One Yourself

As a pretentious self-titled film nerd, I feel I must engage with all different genres of film and TV in order to gain a well-rounded understanding of the artform that is visual media. However, I am harbouring a secret, a secret that in today's marvel-obsessed, death-star addicted society may leave me outcasted and rejected by the majority. I cannot stand Sci-fi films. In my opinion, the genre is over-hyped, over-done and often relies on CGI and special effects to make a film appear interesting when in reality its narrative and characters could have been written by a toddler- a rather intelligent toddler but still. The plots seem to all follow the same narrative structure with the characters often being one-dimensional and uninspired. Now, I would say this is evident in franchises such as the beloved St*r W*rs universe but I am going to retract that statement in fear of getting shot by members of the British public and/or getting deported for having such bad taste in cinema. 

While I may not have seen (and enjoyed) many, I believe I have crafted a flawless formula to creating the perfect Sci-Fi film which includes the ideal characters, settings and plot devices to produce the quintessential Science-Fiction hit which is sure to rake in billions at the box office. You will need: 

A white male protagonist with a god complex 

While you mortals cannot carry the shopping back from the car in one trip, this man can somehow single-handedly save the entire universe with nothing but a great smile and a tragic backstory. While the overrepresentation of white men in the media isn't a new concept, I find Sci-Fi to be the worst in terms of diversity and equal representation of minorities. Although, there may be a reason behind this. Although this may be a huge generalisation, the Sci-Fi genre's main target audience appears to be white male teenagers who live in 1st world countries and see the Sci-Fi genre as a form of escapism from the real world. This makes them want to emulate the heroes they see on screen and therefore may feel that characters that look like them, such as Peter Parker or Hans Solo, are easier to relate too and connect with. 

A Hot Alien Lady 

I was researching this point and found a list of "Sexy sci-fi aliens I would like to share a spaceship with" and it was at that point I gave up with humanity. Now since this movie is targeted towards young males, we must include that little hint of misogyny and oversexualisation of women to keep them watching. This trope is evident in many Sci-Fi movie such as Neytiri in Avatar who apparently comes from a planet where every alien lady looks like a supermodel for literally no reason, so when crafting your movie keep in mind that you need to include a female character that has no purpose other than being objectified. For extra points give her little to no lines so the male protagonist doesn't find her too much of a threat. 

A Planet with only one climate

Sci-Fi stands for Science Fiction, so why is there never any plausible science in them. I'm no scientist but whole planets which revolve on an axis and are unimaginably large surely must have more climates than simply hot and fiery. Maybe the rules of science are different in space, or maybe it's the work of lazy screenwriters? 

Keanu Reeves 

If you are thinking of making a Sci-Fi film, by law you are obliged to cast Keanu Reeves in it. It appears that man is in every single one of them, having starred in the Matrix franchise, Replicas, The day the earth stood still and many more. Considering Keanu's latest role was in 'The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run', I'm sure he would appreciate any form of work in this hard time. 

A spaceship with a dumb name 

We need a vessel to transport our characters but how do we make it easily marketable and also memorable? We give it a dumb name! My favourites include the "Lambda Class Imperial Shuttle", "The Liberator", "Borg Cube" or my personal favourite the "Prawn mothership" which sounds more like a seafood dish than a spaceship. 

Follow these brief tips and you might just write the next St*r W*rs but remember no matter how successful your final movie is, I am not going to watch it :)